The Truth

20 Things Parents of Angels Wish People Would Remember

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is, just because you never saw my baby doesn't mean he/she doesn't deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried, you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is, I need to cry and talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outburts help me heal.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is, if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my baby. The truth is, I love my baby and need to talk about him/her.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is, it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is, the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes, there are bad memories too, but please understand that it's not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is, we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is, grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day, I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is, there is no "normal" way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is, losing my baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months or years, for that matter. The truth is, it may get easier with time, but I will never be "over" this.

12. I wish you wouldn't think that my baby wasn't really a baby and that he/she was blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is, my baby was a human life.

13. My baby's due date, Mother's Day, holidays, celebration times and the day I lost my baby are all important and sad days for me. The truth is, I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is, I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to "normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs and values. Please try to get to know the new me- maybe you'll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn't tell me I could have another baby. The truth is, I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace him/her. Babies aren't interchangeable. Besdies, we have fertility problems too.

16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is, it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women can be uncomfortable for me. The truth is, it's very difficult.

19. I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is, my baby was perfect to me no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say, "Next time things will be okay." The truth is, how do you know? What will you say if this happens to me again?
~Author Unknown

If Love Could Have Saved You, You Would Have Lived Forever

"Last night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep. Then I cried myself to sleep. So sure life wouldn't go on without you. But Lord, this sun is blinding me as it wakes me from the dark. I guess the world didn't stop for my broken heart." ~Reba McEntire

One year ago today, my life was FOREVER changed. Looking back, I can't believe it's been a year and I don't know how I got here, to this point, to today... 1 year later. The day the doctor told me I lost my baby, my world stopped. I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. I couldn't imagine ever smiling or laughing again. Everyone else's world kept moving; their lives went on, but I was stuck, standing still, frozen in time... At times, it felt as if I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but no one could hear me. Today is proof that time doesn't freeze and the world doesn't stop, not even for broken hearts...

It has definitely been a journey. I say journey because I'm still going... I have good days and bad days; these days more good than bad, but that wasn't always the case. I am stronger than I ever thought possible... I have learned to take one day at a time because any more than that seems overwhelming. God has revealed so much to me this past year and I have so many people to thank for helping me get to today...

GOD and His ever present grace. He has helped me heal in so many ways. He is and has always been by my side, even when I questioned His presence. I no longer think, how could He have let this happen to me? I now know that He has a divine plan. I have become a different person through my loss, the person He wants me to be; more sensitive, more caring, more compassionate and stronger than I give myself credit for. He has presented me with so many WONDERFUL opportunities that I wouldn't have otherwise had...

I have met some of the most AMAZING women. They continue to give me strength and I admire each and every one of them and ALL they do to honor and remember their babies. They make me feel sane when the rest of the world makes me feel like I don't fit in. I am truly grateful for every conversation, every friendship, every time you have helped me when I was having a bad day, which there have been MANY. Thank you all for making this past year a little bit easier by being so kind & caring and for welcoming me with open arms. Thank you for showing me, by example, that it is a beautiful thing to honor and remember my baby. I love you ALL!

My INCREDIBLE husband. He is my rock and the shoulder I cry on. He is always there for me. He has helped me in more ways than he probably knows. Thank you for being the BEST husband you could be throughout everything. I know that the past year hasn't been easy. There have been MANY tears and MANY sad days, but they have always been that much brighter because you have been by my side. There is no one else I would want beside me everyday. Our marriage has only grown stronger through difficult times and I know that we can get through ANYTHING together. I love you for all that you are and I think you are an INCREDIBLE Daddy and our baby would be so proud of you!

My WONDERFUL Mother. I don't even know where to begin... Thank you doesn't seem quite enough. Thank you for ALWAYS being there. You were there the day I lost my baby and you have been there EVERYDAY since. I am so thankful for the closeness we share and I admire you for the beautiful person you are, both inside and out. Thank you for understanding how important our baby is to us and for continuing to remember our little Angel. I recently came across this quote and it couldn't be more perfect...
"A mother is the truest friend we have. When trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still she will cling to us and endeavor, by her kind precepts and counsels, to dissipate the clouds of darkness and cause peace to return to our hearts."
Thank you for being my TRUEST friend and for being the most WONDERFUL Mother anyone could ask for. I love you!

My FANTASTIC Mother In-Law, Mom O. Thank you for always being there and for TRULY understanding something that so many others don't. Thank you for treating me like your own daughter and for always making me feel so loved. You are such a warm and caring person and I am grateful for all you do for me. Thank you for all the little ways you have honored and remembered Baby Opoka. Thank you for raising such an amazing son, who is in turn, an amazing husband! I couldn't ask for a better family to be a part of! I love you!

My REMARKABLE Aunt Cheryl. There is no doubt, that what you went through so many years ago, was in part, so that you could be here for me so many years later. I am thankful that God has blessed me with you. You have always been there to talk and listen and I know that I can tell you anything without being judged. You make the world seem a little less cold and there is not a time that I have talked to you where I haven't hung up the phone feeling so much better. Your faith in God is amazing and I can't thank you enough for sharing that with me. I am blessed to call you my Aunt and more so to call you my friend. I love you!

Thank you to ALL my friends and family who have been there for me throughout the past year. It hasn't been an easy year and I am truly grateful for your continued love, support and prayers. You are all so important to me and mean the world to me! I love you ALL!


My Little Angel,
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I love you with ALL of my heart and ALL that I am. You are FOREVER a part of me. I can't help but think of the quote, "Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson
I can't picture my life without you and even though the pain of losing someone so tiny and so precious is unbearable at times, I am thankful that you were in my life, if only for a moment. You have molded me into the person that I am today. Some people have their keepsakes and memories packed away in boxes... How could I possibly put away all I have left of my prescious baby? I can't. I never will. Your memory will always be alive, as you are FOREVER a part of my life, a part of ME. And today, I can say, with a smile, you will ALWAYS be REMEMBERED and FOREVER LOVED.

Love Always,
Mommy

They Are Counted Among The Stars

They are counted among the stars

to be beacons of never-ending light

in hope

and in remembrance.

They are named amid that light

with a constancy and brilliance

that will remain in us forever...

Never Forgotten ~ Always with Us.

Their light will burn in our hearts

as the stars burn in the heavens,

eternally.

~Dawn Both-Kim

(Bereaved mother of Marrina and Ella Grace Kim)

(Poem for the back cover of the 17th Annual Walk to Remember Program, '09)

The 17th Annual Walk to Remember

This year's Sponsors

Walk to Remember Banner

Fran Kane, RN blessing the tree before it's planted

Memorial tree messages to ALL the Angel babies

Balloon Release to Heaven

The Walk to Remember featured in the Buffalo News

Always Remembered & Forever Loved

Always Remembered and Forever Loved

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.

You're in my head and in my heart;

You're in everything I do.

I never will forget the day the doctor told me the news,

"You lost your baby; I'm sorry,

There's nothing we can do."

How could it be possible you were no longer there?

I was supposed to be your Mommy,

Didn't anybody care?

I remember feeling numb

And sad beyond belief.

My once happy emotions had now turned to grief.

I questioned God. I was so mad.

I cried every single day.

Why did He take you from me?

How could He take you away?

With time and love and healing,

God's amazing grace helped me to see...

He didn't take you from me,

It was Him who set you free.

He knew that you were special

And needed up above.

A precious little angel,

Released from Earth with so much love.

It hurts that I can't hold you

Or do things that mommies do.

It hurts that others don't understand

The love I have for you.

The spare bedroom is empty,

Where all your things should be.

And in their place are hopes and dreams

That will never be.

I never got to see you

Or hold you in my arms,

But I carried you in my womb

And I hold you in my heart.

Though my arms are empty,

My heart is full of love.

You will always be remembered

And forever loved.

~Jennifer Opoka

Sometimes Tears Aren't Enough

The Bereaved Mother

I found this poem the other day and it couldn't have come at a better time. I definitely think God has a way of giving us exactly what we need, when we need it. The author is unknown, but I would like to thank this courageous [bereaved] mother for speaking her mind. THANK YOU for expressing so clearly, what we all would like to say.

The Bereaved Mother

To those who look away when I grow teary-eyed in the baby department. Look a little closer. Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those who change the subject when I speak of my baby. Change your way of thinking. It just might change your whole life.

To those who roll their eyes and say that we 'barely had them at all, how could we miss them so much?' In our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have seen their first steps, first day of school, their weddings and their children. We had them forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another. We may. But even if I have 20 more babies, I will forever have this one in the grave and that's one too many.

To those who say to get on with life. I have. It's a different life. The life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of.

Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart cries.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans. She is, but she isn't all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

Do not dismiss us. We have shaped more than just the future generation. We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.

Open your eyes to us and you just might see them.

~Author Unknown

Letter to a Friend

I came across this letter a few months after my loss. When I read it, I was awestruck by the words I was reading. It was EXACTLY what I was feeling. In fact, I couldn't have said it any better if I had written it myself. In a time when I felt like no one understood how I was feeling, this letter helped me to realize that what I was feeling was normal. It helped to know that someone else felt the same emotions. And for that reason, I thought it was worth sharing.


Friends structure a pier
high above the angry waves
of the sea of death.
~Haiku by Diantha Ain


Letter to a Friend ~By Margaret Brownley

Dear Friend,

Please be patient with me; I need to grieve in my own way and in my own time. Please don't take away my grief or try to fix my pain. The best thing you can do is listen to me and let me cry on your shoulder. Don't be afraid to cry with me. Your tears will tell me how much you care.
Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to your problems. I feel depleted and drained, like an empty vessel, with nothing left to give. Please let me express my feelings and talk about my memories. Feel free to share your own stories of my loved one with me. I need to hear them. Please understand why I must turn a deaf ear to criticism or tired cliches. I can't handle another person telling me that time heals all wounds.

Please don't try to find the "right" words to say to me. There's nothing you can say to take away the hurt. What I need are hugs, not words. Please don't push me to do things I'm not ready to do, or feel hurt if I seem withdrawn. This is a necessary part of my recovery.

Please don't stop calling me. You might think you're respecting my privacy, but to me it feels like abandonment.

Please don't expect me to be the same as I was before. I've been through a traumatic experience and I'm a different person. Please accept me for who I am today.

Pray with me and for me. Should I falter in my own faith, let me lean on yours. In return for your loving support I promise that, after I've worked through my grief, I will be a more loving, caring, sensitive and compassionate friend~ because I have learned from the best.

Love,
(Your name)

"Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.

Just walk beside me and be my friend."

~Albert Camus

The Cord

The Cord

We are connected,

My child and I, by

An Invisible cord

Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord

That connects us 'til birth.

This cord can't be seen

By any on Earth.

This cord does its work

Right from the start.

It binds us together

Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there,

Though no one can see.

The invisible cord

From my child to me.

The strength of this cord

Is hard to describe.

It can't be destroyed,

It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord

Man could create.

It withstands the test,

Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,

Though you're not here with me,

The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart.

I am bruised, I am sore.

But this cord is my lifeline

As never before.

I am thankful that God

Connects us this way.

A mother and child

Death can't take it away!

~Author Unknown

Just Those Few Weeks

Just Those Few Weeks

For just those few weeks~

I had you to myself.

And that seems too short a time

To be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks~

I came to know you...

And to love you.

You came to trust me with your life.

Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks~

When I lost you,

I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and aspirations...

A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks~

It wasn't enough to convince others

How special and important you were.

How odd, a truly unique person has recently died.

And no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks~

And no "normal" person would cry all night

Over a tiny, unfinished baby.

Or get depressed and witrhdraw day after endless day.

No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one.

You darted in and out of my life too quickly,

But it seems that's all the time you needed

To make my life so much richer~

And give me a small glimpse of eternity.

~Susan Erlin

Jesus Has a Rocking Chair

Jesus Has a Rocking Chair

Many hopeful moms and dads try to have a child of their own.
Some never get the chance, others do and see them grow.
Then there are those who are expecting that precious baby soon,
But then it's gone before it ever leaves the safety of its' Mama's womb.

Jesus has a rocking chair.
And He holds that precious baby with oh such tender care.
He takes the place of Mom and Dad.
He's the greatest parent a child could have.
Don't worry about the children there.
Jesus has a rocking chair.

There are those who have a boy or girl, the lovely gift of God,
But sickness or a tragedy takes them from their parents arms.
Mama's wish for days gone by, Daddy's long for that lost child.
But children are not lost when you know where they are.

She was 18 and unmarried, expecting her little one.
And in her time of confusion, she took the life of her son.
Since then Jesus forgave her, and He took all her shame away,
But still she cries missing her baby, but she hears the angels say...

Jesus has a rocking chair,
And He holds that precious baby with oh such tender care.
He takes the place of Mom and Dad.
He's the greatest parent a child could have.
Don't worry about the children there.
Jesus has a rocking chair.
~The Greenes

Amazing Grace

I came across this quote in the May 2009-August 2009 Forget~Me~Not Newsletter and I wanted to share it.

"I've learned that unbelievably awful things can and do happen. In truth, they are not such rare, isolated events. Each of us has a story that would break someones heart. Despite the grief and the unfairness of it all, we keep going. There are chores to be done. There are people who still need our care. There is a life to be led.

I've realized that, regardless of the heartache, we may choose the moments in which we live.

I've learned that love creates a tremendous capacity for grace. And perhaps it is that grace that keeps us moving forward."
~Author Unknown

I find comfort in this quote because it's so true. Terrible things happen, but somehow we have to find the strength to keep going. My strength comes from my faith in the Lord and the support of my WONDERFUL husband. I know that EVERYTHING, good and bad, happens for a reason and that God has a plan for my life. The Lord will fulfil his purpose for me. ~ Psalm 138:8 He has already blessed me with amazing opportunities that I wouldn't have gotten, had I not endured what I have. I have made some new, WONDERFUL friends who are AMAZING, STRONG women. I know God has chosen this path for me for a reason. I want to help other people in any way that I can. I will forever be grateful to the people who helped me during the most difficult time in my life. I will never stop sharing my story. If it touches one person, it was worth sharing. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my little angel. My baby is just as much a part of my life in Heaven as he/she would be on Earth. I am not dwelling on what could have been. I am rejoicing in the gift that God gave my husband and I. Though it was only for a little while, my life has been changed in a big way. I have learned so much in my journey through grief and healing. And it is through God's love and amazing grace that I am able to keep moving forward.

We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance , character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. ~Romans 5:3-5

We Were Gonna Have A Baby, But We Had An Angel Instead

Today is my due date. I should be going to Sister's Hospital to deliver our beautiful baby, but God had other plans for us. We think about our angel baby everyday.

Our little Angel,
I can't believe it's been 9 months since we got the heartbreaking news. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I loved you with all of my heart. I lost a part of me when I lost you and I will never be the same. You have touched my life in more ways than you will ever know. Not a day goes by that your Daddy & I don't think about you and all the plans we had for you. Though Our arms are empty, Our hearts are full of love. You will always be remembered and forever loved.

Love Always,
Mommy & Daddy


"Daddy please don't look so sad. Mommy please don't cry.

Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies.

Please try not to question God, don't think He is unkind.

Don't think He sent me to you and then changed His mind.

You see, I'm a special Child. I am needed up above.

I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.

I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night.

Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.

You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.

That's me in the summer showers, dancing in the rain.

When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows,

Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose.

When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug,

Don't be sad Mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.

So Daddy don't look so sad and Mommy please don't cry.

I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!"

~Author Unknown

What Makes A Mother

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes

And prayed to God today.

I asked, "What makes a Mother?"

And I know I heard Him say,

A Mother has a baby.

This we know is true,

But God, can you be a mother

When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied,

With confidence in His voice.

I give many women babies,

When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime

And others for the day.

And some I send to feel your womb

But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,

I want my baby here.

He took a breath and cleared His throat

And then I saw the tear.

I wish I could show you

What your child is doing today.

If you could see your child smile

With other children and say,

We go to Earth to learn our lessons,

Of love and life and fear,

My Mommy loved me oh so much,

I got to come straight here!

I feel so lucky to have a Mom

Who had so much love for me.

I learned my lessons very quickly,

My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,

But I visit her each day.

When she goes to sleep,

On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek

And whisper in her ear,

Mommy, don't be sad today

I'm your baby and I am here.

So you see, my dear sweet ones,

Your children are okay.

Your babies are here in My home

And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,

Until your lessons there are through.

And on the day that you come home,

They'll be at the gates waiting for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother~

It's the feeling in your heart.

It's the love you had so much of,

Right from the very start.

Though some on Earth may not realize you are a Mother

until their time is done,

They'll be up here with me one day

And know you are the best one.

~Author Unknown