"Last night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep. Then I cried myself to sleep. So sure life wouldn't go on without you. But Lord, this sun is blinding me as it wakes me from the dark. I guess the world didn't stop for my broken heart." ~Reba McEntireOne year ago today, my life was FOREVER changed. Looking back, I can't believe it's been a year and I don't know how I got here, to this point, to today... 1 year later. The day the doctor told me I lost my baby, my world stopped. I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. I couldn't imagine ever smiling or laughing again. Everyone else's world kept moving; their lives went on, but I was stuck, standing still, frozen in time... At times, it felt as if I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but no one could hear me. Today is proof that time doesn't freeze and the world doesn't stop, not even for broken hearts...
It has definitely been a journey. I say journey because I'm still going... I have good days and bad days; these days more good than bad, but that wasn't always the case. I am stronger than I ever thought possible... I have learned to take one day at a time because any more than that seems overwhelming. God has revealed so much to me this past year and I have so many people to thank for helping me get to today...
GOD and His ever present grace. He has helped me heal in so many ways. He is and has always been by my side, even when I questioned His presence. I no longer think, how could He have let this happen to me? I now know that He has a divine plan. I have become a different person through my loss, the person He wants me to be; more sensitive, more caring, more compassionate and stronger than I give myself credit for. He has presented me with so many WONDERFUL opportunities that I wouldn't have otherwise had...
I have met some of the most AMAZING women. They continue to give me strength and I admire each and every one of them and ALL they do to honor and remember their babies. They make me feel sane when the rest of the world makes me feel like I don't fit in. I am truly grateful for every conversation, every friendship, every time you have helped me when I was having a bad day, which there have been MANY. Thank you all for making this past year a little bit easier by being so kind & caring and for welcoming me with open arms. Thank you for showing me, by example, that it is a beautiful thing to honor and remember my baby. I love you ALL!
My INCREDIBLE husband. He is my rock and the shoulder I cry on. He is always there for me. He has helped me in more ways than he probably knows. Thank you for being the BEST husband you could be throughout everything. I know that the past year hasn't been easy. There have been MANY tears and MANY sad days, but they have always been that much brighter because you have been by my side. There is no one else I would want beside me everyday. Our marriage has only grown stronger through difficult times and I know that we can get through ANYTHING together. I love you for all that you are and I think you are an INCREDIBLE Daddy and our baby would be so proud of you!
My WONDERFUL Mother. I don't even know where to begin... Thank you doesn't seem quite enough. Thank you for ALWAYS being there. You were there the day I lost my baby and you have been there EVERYDAY since. I am so thankful for the closeness we share and I admire you for the beautiful person you are, both inside and out. Thank you for understanding how important our baby is to us and for continuing to remember our little Angel. I recently came across this quote and it couldn't be more perfect...
"A mother is the truest friend we have. When trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still she will cling to us and endeavor, by her kind precepts and counsels, to dissipate the clouds of darkness and cause peace to return to our hearts."
Thank you for being my TRUEST friend and for being the most WONDERFUL Mother anyone could ask for. I love you!
My FANTASTIC Mother In-Law, Mom O. Thank you for always being there and for TRULY understanding something that so many others don't. Thank you for treating me like your own daughter and for always making me feel so loved. You are such a warm and caring person and I am grateful for all you do for me. Thank you for all the little ways you have honored and remembered Baby Opoka. Thank you for raising such an amazing son, who is in turn, an amazing husband! I couldn't ask for a better family to be a part of! I love you!
My REMARKABLE Aunt Cheryl. There is no doubt, that what you went through so many years ago, was in part, so that you could be here for me so many years later. I am thankful that God has blessed me with you. You have always been there to talk and listen and I know that I can tell you anything without being judged. You make the world seem a little less cold and there is not a time that I have talked to you where I haven't hung up the phone feeling so much better. Your faith in God is amazing and I can't thank you enough for sharing that with me. I am blessed to call you my Aunt and more so to call you my friend. I love you!
Thank you to ALL my friends and family who have been there for me throughout the past year. It hasn't been an easy year and I am truly grateful for your continued love, support and prayers. You are all so important to me and mean the world to me! I love you ALL!
My Little Angel,
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I love you with ALL of my heart and ALL that I am. You are FOREVER a part of me. I can't help but think of the quote, "Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson
I can't picture my life without you and even though the pain of losing someone so tiny and so precious is unbearable at times, I am thankful that you were in my life, if only for a moment. You have molded me into the person that I am today. Some people have their keepsakes and memories packed away in boxes... How could I possibly put away all I have left of my prescious baby? I can't. I never will. Your memory will always be alive, as you are FOREVER a part of my life, a part of ME. And today, I can say, with a smile, you will ALWAYS be REMEMBERED and FOREVER LOVED.
Love Always,
Mommy
