Letter to a Friend

I came across this letter a few months after my loss. When I read it, I was awestruck by the words I was reading. It was EXACTLY what I was feeling. In fact, I couldn't have said it any better if I had written it myself. In a time when I felt like no one understood how I was feeling, this letter helped me to realize that what I was feeling was normal. It helped to know that someone else felt the same emotions. And for that reason, I thought it was worth sharing.


Friends structure a pier
high above the angry waves
of the sea of death.
~Haiku by Diantha Ain


Letter to a Friend ~By Margaret Brownley

Dear Friend,

Please be patient with me; I need to grieve in my own way and in my own time. Please don't take away my grief or try to fix my pain. The best thing you can do is listen to me and let me cry on your shoulder. Don't be afraid to cry with me. Your tears will tell me how much you care.
Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to your problems. I feel depleted and drained, like an empty vessel, with nothing left to give. Please let me express my feelings and talk about my memories. Feel free to share your own stories of my loved one with me. I need to hear them. Please understand why I must turn a deaf ear to criticism or tired cliches. I can't handle another person telling me that time heals all wounds.

Please don't try to find the "right" words to say to me. There's nothing you can say to take away the hurt. What I need are hugs, not words. Please don't push me to do things I'm not ready to do, or feel hurt if I seem withdrawn. This is a necessary part of my recovery.

Please don't stop calling me. You might think you're respecting my privacy, but to me it feels like abandonment.

Please don't expect me to be the same as I was before. I've been through a traumatic experience and I'm a different person. Please accept me for who I am today.

Pray with me and for me. Should I falter in my own faith, let me lean on yours. In return for your loving support I promise that, after I've worked through my grief, I will be a more loving, caring, sensitive and compassionate friend~ because I have learned from the best.

Love,
(Your name)

"Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.

Just walk beside me and be my friend."

~Albert Camus